I think I’m getting bad therapy
Finding a good therapist isn’t easy. How do you know you’re getting bad therapy?
Here are some signs:
Codependency: Your therapist needs you to be improving to feel like a good therapist. If your therapist takes it personally when you are not doing well, you may be getting bad therapy.
Feeling judged. If you aren’t making progress quickly enough and you feel judged by your therapist. Your therapist needs to be able to empathize and show compassion for wherever you are and whatever season of life you may be in.
Lack of empathy. If you feel a lack of empathy from your therapist, it could mean any number of things. Either you aren’t a good fit for each other, or he/she may be burning out. Either way, a therapist can’t help you very well if you don’t feel empathy.
Poor boundaries. Is your therapist too available? While that may look like a good thing, it can so easily blur boundaries. Giving out personal phone numbers, talking during off hours consistently, or meeting regularly to share meals together may be innocent enough, although it increases the chances of blurred boundaries. Blurring the boundary between therapist and friend.
Not a Priority: If your therapist is prioritizing other things while offering therapy it could be a sign you are getting bad therapy. If your therapist is taking other phone calls, eating consistently in session, checking phone a lot, consistently starting late or canceling, or any other distractions, that can be a sign that you are not your therapist’s priority in that session.
Forgetting treatment goals. If your therapist is forgetting what you are there for and what your treatment goals are, that is a sign that you are getting bad therapy.
The therapist talking about themselves! This is a big one. SOME self-disclosure is appropriate, even helpful, and therapeutic in creating a strong connection and rapport, BUT it must be used carefully, and only when helpful to the client. If you find that your therapist spends a great deal of session time talking about themselves this is not good. If something you say reminds your therapist of a time that happened to them and they tell you about it and spend more than 50% of your time together reflecting on their experience, that is just bad therapy.
Inappropriate relations. This one is obvious, but it must be said.
Defensiveness. If your therapist gets defensive when you offer feedback this is a sign that more is going on with this therapist that has nothing to do with you. Even if you deliver feedback in not the healthiest or an aggressive manner, this still may mean you are right on track therapeutically, and if your therapist often gets defensive, she/he just may not be the therapist for you.
