ARE YOU CREATING CONNECTION RITUALS IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP?

I collected some habits that work for couples in therapy with me. Pick one of these ideas and do it for one week.

You want to create daily habits of connection with your partner.  You want more closeness and less conflict.  You want more conversation and less miscommunication.  You want more attachment and intimacy to result in less distance.  You want more healing and less flooding with your emotions.

Examine places in your life where you feel bored, stuck, or times when you tune out.  Start small and easy.  Talk about one routine you would like to make more meaningful.

Here are a few ways you can do this.  Pick one or two and start doing them today.  Commit to doing your habit for one week.  Before you commit decide if the habit is realistic and if you feel motivated to do it.

Express confidence in one of your partner’s decisions.  For example:

“That’s a good idea.  I didn’t think about it that way before.”  “You did well on that project.”  Or “You remembered to get the bread I like.  Thank you.”

Play a song you have together, or at least a song that reminds you of your relationship. Play it for your partner.  Or remind them of a memory from when you first got together.

Surprise them by walking up to them with a kiss or a hug and saying something like “I love you, or just thinking about how lucky I am, or I’m sorry.”

Ask them how their day was.  And really listen.

Make eye contact upon waking or going to sleep.

Hold their hand.  Make eye contact.  Do this while walking, while sitting together, or in bed.

Rub their shoulders.  It’s amazing how simple touch can transform mood and energy.

Talk to each other about your love languages.

Whatever their language, be intentional about acts of love they would notice.  For example:

If your partner values quality time, ask them to go to a movie.  If your partner isn’t good in the kitchen but loves a good meal, cook for her.  If your partner values acts of services and they show you their love in this way it might be nice to show it back in that way.  One couple I worked with did many outside projects.  It wasn’t her favorite way to spend time but she knew when she visited him in the garage, offered to help with landscaping, or brought him a drink when it was hot outside he took notice and appreciated her effort. She noticed during these moments he was more engaged, animated and they easily got in flow with each other.  

Watch your partner and observe how they show love and how they want to be shown love.

Check in with your partner on acts of daily living.  How do they feel about their sleep lately?  Their diet?  Have they been moving their body in ways they enjoy?  

Use music you both enjoy to start the day.

Whenever you have a powerful or haunting dream, tell your partner about the dream over breakfast.

Share your plans for the day.  Instead of “have a good day” think of a statement specific to your partners day.  One couple I work with give each other positive vibes for the day.  “You can have a productive day.  It’s a good day!”

Come up with a daily relational check in.  Each day for one week pick a time and you both share:

One negative feeling you had that day and what triggered it.

One task that caused you stress.

One task that felt really good to accomplish.

One thing you want to do tomorrow.

One thing that was funny.

One thing you are grateful for today.

Practice simple way to start your meals together.

Start a ritual for leaving the day behind.  One couple got a pretty wooden box.  They would write any worries down and put the paper in the box.  They shut the box and put it away in the closet.

Share with me what works for you and your partner! I would love to hear it.

info@therapywithamysmith.com

Don’t suffer in silence. Talk to someone you trust.